Grand Theft Goku/Transcript
DISCLAIMER CAPTAIN GINYU: The following is a non-profit fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, Fuji TV, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release. (cuts to Goku, now in Captain Ginyu's body) GOKU: (in Ginyu's body) What happened? I'm all purple...and horny! Chi-Chi's gonna hate this... GINYU: (in Goku's body) What's mine is yours, and yours is mine, as they say. GOKU: G-Gimme﻿ back my body! GINYU: I'm sorry, you can't have your body anymore. It's mine, now. Jeice, shall we? JEICE: Right, cap'n. (Ginyu and Jeice fly off) GINYU: Goodbye! Enjoy bleeding to death. GOKU:: I won't...! Man... I'm a jerk now... GINYU TOKUSENTAI!!" OPENING SEQUENCE (cuts to Krillin and Gohan flying in the sky, searching for the Dragon Balls) GOHAN: The radar says we're getting close! KRILLIN: Yeah... Who woulda' thought Bulma woulda' been so compliant? (flashback of Krillin and Gohan's last conversation with Bulma) BULMA: Why? Why would you leave me alone here? I don't know this place! Did you know there are giant crabs down there?! I do! I KILLED ONE! KRILLIN: Okay, Bulma... let's just calm down. Why are you upset? BULMA: Why? Because I...am always alone. KRILLIN: Okay, Bulma-- if we were to stay here...what would that accomplish? BULMA: ...Just take the f**king radar. KRILLIN: Thank you, Bulma. Say thank you, Gohan. GOHAN: Thank you, Bulma. BULMA: No problem, Gohan. KRILLIN: And no problem... BULMA: Shove it! KRILLIN: I'll take it. Let's go! (Gohan and Krillin leap away) (cuts back to present) KRILLIN: Well, if you ask me, all she needs is a little bit of wink wink, nudge, nudge, *tsk*, *tsk*, *whistle* GOHAN: Still five. KRILLIN: Right. (cuts to outside Frieza's ship) FRIEZA SOLDIER #1: It's called the Wilhelm Scream, man. It's like the one in Star Wars where the Stormtrooper falls. FRIEZA SOLDIER #2: Aww, yeah! I love that scream. Uh, doesn't it sound like... (tries to imitate the scream) FRIEZA SOLDIER #1: Nah, dude, it's more like... (also tries to imitate the scream) FRIEZA SOLDIER #2: Naw, that wasn't it either. (gets shot by a ki blast and does the actual scream) FRIEZA SOLDIER #1: Dude, that was totally it! (also gets shot by a ki blast and does the actual scream as well) (The first soldier's corpse is seen dropping on the ground, and then all the other soldiers gets blasted to their deaths, resulting in a huge explosion. Vegeta is seen descending towards Frieza's ship and lands near hole in the center.) VEGETA: (jumps down the hole in Frieza's ship) Wheeee! (cuts to Ginyu (in Goku's body) and Jeice flying in the sky) JEICE: How's the body, sir? GINYU: (looking at Goku's body through a reflection in the water) Fantastic, a little too pink and hairy in odd places, but I'll grow into it. JEICE: So, what's the plan, cap'n? GINYU: Well, first off, we have to touch on Frieza's balls. JEICE: (after an awkward pause) Uh, sir... GINYU: Yes, yes. Realized the moment I said it. (cuts to Vegeta washing his face inside Frieza's ship) VEGETA: (thinking) Alright, get your act together. Hundred times gravity? That's for pussies. The only reason he took those jokers out was because I loosened them up for him...like a jar of Space Pickles. Ugly, stupid Space Pickles! (puts on new armor) I just gotta get those Dragon Balls. And if it's anything like that jockstrap incident, Ginyu probably buried them somewhere around here... KRILLIN: (off-screen) Hey Gohan, I think they're buried somewhere around here. VEGETA: (thinking) Well...at least I'll have something to put back in the hole. (cuts to outside Frieza's ship) KRILLIN: Dig like there's no tomorrow! VEGETA: (thinking) Okay, the second they summon the dragon, I'll swoop in and break the bald one's neck! Totally gonna yell "Team Three Star" when I do it, too. Oh, I can see it now... TEAM THREE STAR! (a splattering sound is heard along with Krillin crying out in pain) Amazing. (Gohan and Krillin had just finished digging up the Dragon Balls) GOHAN: We found them! Krillin, we really did it! KRILLIN: Finally! Now let's hurry up and wish back Piccolo, Tenshinhan, and Chiaotzu. GOHAN: What about Yamcha? KRILLIN: What about Yamcha. VEGETA: (thinking) I don't know what this "Yamcha" is, but it sounds just like Raditz. KRILLIN: Eternal Dragon... Rise up and grant our wish! (nothing happens) GOHAN: It's not working. Is that what you're supposed to say? KRILLIN: Honestly, that's always been pretty vague. Usually just gather 'em together and then out pops the magic dragon. GOHAN: Maybe there's something special about Namekian Dragon Balls. KRILLIN: Huh. Maybe if I sing to it. ♪I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves...♪ GOHAN: Actually, Krillin, I was thinking something else. Maybe the only way to summon it is to call it in its native language. KRILLIN: I don't speak German! And the only person I know who does was the toilet... And it's dead... God rest his seat. (Vegeta then senses Ginyu and Jeice approaching Frieza's ship) VEGETA: (thinking) Agh! What? Oh, you can't be serious...! GOHAN: Huh? Hey Krillin, I feel two power levels coming this way. You don't think my dad failed, do you? KRILLIN: No way, Gohan, your dad's the best! But on the off-chance, HIDE YOURSELF! (takes Gohan and hides behind a rock) (Ginyu and Jeice arrive at Frieza's ship) JEICE: Oi! Cap'n! Someone's dug up the balls! GINYU: Well then, someone's in for the beating of their life. KRILLIN: Hey, Goku! Check it out, we dug up the Dragon Balls! How ya doin'? D'you win that fight against the Ginyu guy? Why's that Space New Zealand guy here? JEICE: Aw, what the fu-- KRILLIN: And what's up with the scouter? Do you happen to know anybody who speaks German? (gets bitch-slapped by Ginyu) AHAGH! (Krillin Owned Count: 13) KRILLIN: Augh! And what was that about? GOHAN: Krillin, that's not my dad! (Ginyu smirks evilly) KRILLIN: Gohan, of course it's your dad. Goku, what's your favorite food? GINYU: '''Waldorf salad. '''KRILLIN: See? Double Baconator-- Oh, s**t. GINYU: You see, I've acquired the body of your former associate... "Goku", was it? And with that, I've gained his power level of one hundred and eighty thousand. KRILLIN: That's... that's horrible! GINYU: Quite. I'm sure you understand now the situation you're in... KRILLIN: That is identity theft! We're gonna sue the crap out of you! GINYU: You can't sue me if I kill you... KRILLIN: No; then, you'll get put on trial for murder. Ha! (gets hit) Gah! GOHAN: (gets hit) Aah! (Ginyu is seen beating down bot Krillin and Gohan in the air. Jeice's scouter suddenly starts beeping) JEICE: Huh? (notices Goku arriving at the scene) Uh, cap'n? You're here... GINYU: What the devil are you...? (notices Goku's arrival) Oh. Aw, look what the space cat regurgitated! GOKU: Hey, Gohan. Hey, Krillin. Hey, Goku. GOHAN: D-Dad? GINYU: I'm surprised you're still kicking. How's that wound treating you? GOKU: This is easily the second-worst hole I've ever had in my chest. It's gonna take, like, a million mommy kisses to make it better... KRILLIN: Gohan, we may have a chance now, but you'll have to give it your all. Remember, he may look like your dad, but you can absolutely not hold back... GOHAN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! (charges forward and starts beating up Ginyu) Abandoned me for a year with Piccolo, sent me off into space, and the next time I get to see you, you lost your damn body!? YOU'RE NOT EVEN YOU ANYMORE! GOKU: I don't know where he gets that from. GINYU: Uagh! This is absurd! His power level was a league above my own when we fought! What the blazes is going on? GOKU: Ha ha! You don't know any of my techniques! GINYU: What techniques? Tell me! GOKU: I'm not gonna tell you how to use the Kaio-ken! GINYU: Kaio-wha--? (gets kicked by Gohan and Krillin at the same time) UAGH! (rebounds on Frieza's ship) Uah! Jeice! (JEICE: Huh?) If you're not too busy standing there like a slack-jawed idiot, I could use your help! GOKU: Wait... If I'm Ginyu now, does that mean you have to listen to me? JEICE: No. GOKU: Oh... Well then, what about him? (Vegeta appears behind Jeice) VEGETA: Good day, mate. (Jeice looks at Vegeta and starts whimpering) (cuts to Frieza and Nail flying in the sky) FRIEZA: So... We've been flying for about twenty minutes now... Got any family...? Because if so, I probably killed them. (Nail does not respond) Really? Nothing to that...? You're no fun. (cuts to Vegeta and Jeice exchanging blows in the air) VEGETA: Hey Jeice, I've killed every single one of Frieza's flunkies I've gone up against so far, six in total! How would you like to be number seven? JEICE: Piss off, you bloody monkey! (lands a punch on Vegeta, sending him flying a few feet back) VEGETA: (doesn't seem that harmed) Thank you, sir. May I have another? JEICE: What the hell happened to you? You were not this strong when you fought Recoome! VEGETA: (holds up the Official Saiyan Handbook) Looks like YOU have some required reading to do. JEICE: (heard flipping pages trough the handbook) Alright, let's see here... Okay, full moon...lose your tails...stronger every time you... (stunned pause) Oh. (lowers the book) Well, I'm right f**ked, aren't I? VEGETA: Right in the down-under. (Vegeta kicks Jeice into the air and then chops him in the ribs. Vegeta then puts his hand in front of Jeice's face.) JEICE: (thinking) Clever girl... (Vegeta obliterates him with a huge ki blast) GINYU: NO! JEICE! All of my men...I'm the only one left... Please, all of you...just...just allow me a customary moment of silence. VEGETA: (first heard faintly but gets louder) MinemineminemineminemineMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINEMINE! (hits Ginyu to the ground) Hahaha! The best part about this? I get to kill both Ginyu AND Kakarot at the same time! GINYU: Wait, who’s Kakarot? VEGETA: You're Kakarot. GINYU: I thought his name was Goku. KRILLIN: His name is Goku! VEGETA: No, it's Kakarot. GINYU: But he just said Goku. KRILLIN: Yeah, I did. VEGETA: I know what he said, but he-- GINYU: So what is it? Kakarot or Goku? VEGETA: (simultaneously) It's Kakarot! KRILLIN: (simultaneously) It's Goku! VEGETA: No, no, no! Just...look. His Saiyan name is Kakarot, but he changed it when he landed on Earth as a baby. So they kept calling him by his Earth name, and I am calling him by his real name! GOKU: ...So does that make me Ginyu? (Vegeta screams and starts charging full speed at Ginyu) GINYU: (thinking) Yes... YES...! PERFECT! (out loud) Change.. NOW! (fires an energy blast at Vegeta) VEGETA: Gah! GOKU: (leaps in the way of the blast) No! I'll save you, Goku! (Goku gets hit with the beam, changing both sides back to their original bodies) GOHAN: What just happened? KRILLIN: I don't know. GOKU: (weakly, back in his own body) Yay...! I'm me again...! KRILLIN: Wait, Goku... What is your favorite food? GOKU: (confused) Favorite? KRILLIN: HE'S HIM AGAIN! CAPTAIN GINYU: (back in his own body) This is ridiculous! But, at least I'm not trapped in some useless body. (notices Goku's crippled body) (Vegeta appears behind Ginyu) VEGETA: Gimme a minute... (gives Captain Ginyu a vicious beatdown) GOHAN: So, I'm confused... Ginyu took my dad's body, but then he tried to take Vegeta's body... And now he's back in his own body, my dad's back in his own body, and Vegeta's... KRILLIN: Still a prick, yeah. VEGETA: Now, to switch your body to a CORPSE! (Vegeta throws Captain Ginyu into the sky and then charges after him. Captain Ginyu manages to recover in time and prepares his Body Change technique.) CAPTAIN GINYU: Chaaaange... VEGETA: (thinking) Ah crap, kinda walked into this one. CAPTAIN GINYU: .....NOW! (Captain Ginyu fires a beam at Vegeta, the latter being unable to dodge in time. Goku is then seen holding a frog in his hand.) GOKU: (speaking in slow motion) Ewwww, a frog! (Goku throws the frog towards Vegeta. The beam connects at the frog, causing both sides to switch bodies.) FROG: (in Ginyu's body) Ribbit. Ribbit. Croak. VEGETA: The hell just happened? GOKU: A frog got on my hand. It was gross, so I threw it. GOHAN: So then, is it over? Are they all gone now? VEGETA: (placing his foot on top of frog Ginyu who croaks a few times) They will be in a second. GOKU: Vegeta, no! He can't hurt anyone anymore! Stop! VEGETA: Oh, alright. Fine! GOKU: See? He really can be a nice guy! VEGETA: Psyche! Eight-for-eight! (crushes frog) GOKU, GOHAN, & KRILLIN: Awww! SEQUENCE STINGER (cut to Frieza and Nail still flying in the sky) FRIEZA: Oh, I know. How 'bout a good old-fashioned joke? How many Namekians does it take to screw in a light bulb? The whole race! One to screw in the light bulb, and the rest to die. And then the other one dies too. (no response from Nail) Stop ignoring me.